When my mom was identified with mind and lung most cancers, hope flew from me like leaves in a hurricane. Hope was changed by concern and anxiousness. I used to be frightened for my mom, myself, and my household. I used to be anxious about what lay forward for my mother and for all of us.
My mother—a petite embodiment of Frank Sinatra’s indomitable “My Approach”—selected to forgo remedy of any sort. No chemo, no surgical procedure. Although she understood that she would endure as most cancers ate away at her physique and thoughts, she selected to not endure the kind of struggling that might include intrusive medical procedures. Each a part of me wished to make use of all my persuasive powers to persuade her to get the therapies, however my sisters and I had no alternative however to honor her needs. “It’s my life,” she declared, “and I’m going to die how I need to die.”
For months, I wrestled with emotions of helplessness. Prayer didn’t come simply, however I leaned on the Rosary, my go-to prayer, for all my heavy lifting. Some days, it was the one prayer I may handle. However the repetitive rhythm of the beads stored me from sinking into despair.
As one would possibly anticipate, I discovered myself drawn into the Sorrowful Mysteries of Christ’s struggling. The agony Jesus suffered within the Backyard of Gethsemane felt extra actual as I watched my mother endure the ache she had chosen. I watched her bloat like a balloon after which deflate right into a mere shell of who she as soon as was. I heard her murmur within the final weeks of her earthly life the identify of God time and again, and pictures of Christ carrying his cross had been vivid in my thoughts. I took them as reminders that love endures even in ache. Visions of the Crucifixion confirmed me that give up is to not be confused with defeat.
Nearly one yr after my mom’s prognosis, her ultimate moments arrived. She may not converse, however I sat beside her and whispered into her ear a shortened model of the Rosary prayers. There was no hope that she would survive for much longer, however as I prayed, a special type of hope washed over me. It was not the hope that she could be healed, however the hope that was signified in her life as a mom, protector, and good friend. The Rosary turned a bridge between us, a quiet assurance that whilst my mother left this world, she was not alone. Mary was proper there, praying for her and together with her, and with me.
The Rosary is many issues. It’s a scrapbook of Mary’s reminiscences of her Son. It’s an exploration of thriller. It’s a type of prayerful adoration as we use prayer and creativeness to assist us enter into the soothing, therapeutic, consoling presence of Christ. However for me, the Rosary has at all times been a prayer of hope. Although it doesn’t promise that struggling will probably be taken away, it reminds us that struggling isn’t the top of the story. Whereas the Sorrowful Mysteries train us that love stays, even in grief, the Superb Mysteries that observe shut on their heels proclaim the best hope of all: dying will not be the ultimate phrase.
St. Ignatius taught that we must always search God in all issues. The Rosary helped me do precisely that in a painful chapter of my life. The Rosary carried me by means of overwhelming waves of concern and grief, main me finally into a spot of peace. Even now, after I pray the Rosary, I hear an echo of that ultimate prayer I whispered into my mom’s ear: Holy Mary, Mom of God, pray for us now and on the hour of our dying.
A mild however highly effective reminder that hope lives perpetually.
Be part of Gary Jansen for a webinar on “The Therapeutic Energy of Praying the Rosary,” Might 6, 2025, at 2:00 p.m. central. Even when you can’t be a part of us stay, register to obtain the hyperlink to the recording.
